Part of living is getting set back. It comes in all forms, from work to health to creative endeavours to finances and more. It’s an unfortunate reality, but one we all go through. Some people experience more than others, some seem to go through a series of them, almost unrelenting, one after another, being beaten down continuously, no end in sight. Some seem to go through fewer. But we all get them, it’s an inevitability.
If life was a path, it would wind and weave, jerk left and right, and, sometimes, go back on itself too. Choices we make don’t always lead us further on. We might think we know where we’re going, but things can change, and the decisions we make might backfire or result in something we hadn’t anticipated. It’s only natural that not everything we set out to do works. Sometimes, that can be a very difficult thing to accept, especially with the magnitude of some setbacks you might face.
But that’s where that precious perseverance comes in. I’ve mentioned it a bunch of times before, but I really do think it is one of the most vital traits that people need. Without it, there’s so much you won’t be able to overcome, so much you can’t do.
If you’ve ever faced any adversity whatsoever and you made it through to the other side, you’ll have resilience, even if you don’t realise it. It doesn’t matter if you got a little (or a lot) bruised on your way through, having that resilience is the only way anyone moves forward. Being reassured that you’ve been through difficulty before, whether that be tricky exams at school, a mistake at work or cracking your phone on the pavement, that can be such a benefit when something else comes up, even if it feels worse than what you’ve been through previously.
So how do you persevere in the face of something like a setback? Firstly, I think it’s important to allow yourself to grieve. If you’re experiencing a setback of any kind, something monumental like a health crisis, or perhaps something smaller like missing a deadline or not getting a job you were hoping for (which can feel grand in the moment, of course), giving yourself the space you need to mourn what could have been is allowed; it might even be important depending on the kind of person you are.
Some people might take a look at a setback and simply shrug their shoulders. There are people who aren’t knocked down by the things life throws at them, they just keep going, they’ve got an inbuilt resilience that other people might not. So if you are one of those people who finds it harder to move on, it’s okay to take some time to breathe. Giving yourself that space to process is important for moving forward; if we don’t process things, we don’t know how to do it differently the next time. And it may be that setbacks are unpredictable and unavoidable, but even just knowing how you’ve handled one before can help you overcome what springs up next.
Another thing is knowing that nothing is permanent. That can be a tough thing to face sometimes, especially when you’re doing something you’ve dreamed of, like a once-in-a-lifetime trip or you’ve reached the height of your career or that your book has become a bestseller. Knowing nothing lasts can put a dampener on things like that (though having a firm grasp on reality is very important).
But knowing that the tough times don’t last forever either is a way to persevere. It can be tough when you’re in the midst of it, to see the light in the darkness, but nothing lasts a lifetime, the good or the bad. And the truly remarkable thing about setbacks is that they are temporary. Temporary might mean they last a long time, longer than you feel is fair or just, longer than you might even have imagined. But it won’t be always, and having that knowledge is really, really helpful for persevering through the difficulties.
One of the harshest things about setbacks is how they push you from the path you’re on, and how they force you to acknowledge where you are compared to where you thought you would be. Some people might be able to say they are exactly where they expected and wanted to be, achieved all the things they’ve coveted so far and are well on the path to getting everything else done as well.
I would argue more people would probably say that isn’t the case, and that setbacks play a role in so many people’s lives. To look at the life you had imagined and seeing it isn’t what you had envisioned because things didn’t work out or choices you made didn’t end up being the ones you needed or something came up that held you back or made you lose progress, that can be a very demoralising feeling. Everyone has some kind of dream, whether that be to land on the moon or to simply enjoy each day as it comes, everyone has something they want from life. And if those wants aren’t realised because things have come up to stop you getting them, that can be devastating.
That’s why that perseverance is something everyone needs. You can’t keep pushing for your dreams without it. Knowing that can actually make persevering easier, having something to achieve can be the thing that pulls you back on track after being pushed off of it. It can be gut-wrenching to veer off the path you were on because it can make you doubt your ambitions and everything you’re doing, everything you’ve done. But keeping a hold of something you want to achieve can be the very thing that allows you to keep going; without resilience, you can’t achieve a dream, and perhaps without a dream, you can’t have resilience in the first place.
Of course it can be difficult when you feel like you’ve been pushed way off track or dragged backwards, feeling like progress has been lost. But maybe we shouldn’t see it like losing progress. Maybe we should see it as having to come at something from a different angle, with a different set of tools or things you might have learned, or simply just the experience of what it’s like to go backwards, and using that to help you go forwards.
Who knows, maybe life would be too boring without them, maybe we need the setbacks and the losses and the difficulties so we can appreciate when things go our way, to embrace the successes and truly feel the joy. That doesn’t mean setbacks can’t be devastating, there are some especially difficult things that can be faced in this life that can be exceptionally hard to manage.
But I don’t think it’s about ignoring the setbacks, pretending they aren’t there. I think acknowledging them, acknowledging the loss of what we’ve been chasing (whether that be a permanent loss and change of plan, or a temporary thing), has the potential to give us so much power. If we ignore it, that doesn’t solve it. We need to acknowledge it and what it’s done, and then rebuild; nothing that’s been torn down can’t be rebuilt again. And, the second time, it can be built stronger.
And just to say, I haven’t been going through anything significant myself that’s made me make this post. I’ve just been musing over life and where I am compared to where I imagined myself to be, not just with writing but with everything. The nature of things I have experienced in my time, and things we all experience that impact this journey we call living, is something I’ve just been pondering.
Robyn x
