The hard truth about writing is that not every project will see the light of day. It isn’t the most fun conclusion to reach, often you work on something for months, even years, and to know that you might be the only person who ever gets to see it, that can be disheartening. There are always positive to take from retiring a project, but that doesn’t mean you can’t acknowledge that there is pain there as well.
For now, Project #3/OFBB is being retired. It was a decision I came to a little while ago but this is the first time I’ve actively acknowledged that that is what’s going to be happening. There’s a few reasons why I’ve reached this conclusion, that I’ll go into shortly, but it’s important for me to first say, whilst this was not necessarily an easy decision, it is the right one. That’s often what it comes down to when you’re thinking about retiring a project; it can, and most likely will, be hard, but you should be able to feel some sense that this is what has to be done, that’s it’s the best thing for the project itself, and the best thing for you too.
So how did I reach this conclusion? There were multiple steps to it, each one leading me to see that I need to focus my time and energy elsewhere. If I’d had just one or two reasons, maybe I would still be working on it. But when things begin to stack against you, you have to make those hard decisions, and that’s just what I’ve had to do.
The first reason is probably an obvious one: rejection. It’s a natural and very expected part of sending out submissions to various agents and teams that you aren’t going to get a ‘yes’ right away. In fact, it’s likely you should brace yourself for quite a number of rejections and, worse yet, silences. That’s nothing to be discouraged by (though I know that is easier said than done), it’s simply part of the process. There are bound to be authors out there accepted on their first try. But there are also going to hundreds, more likely even thousands, who send out query letters and proposals again and again, only to see rejections come through in their inbox.
Perseverance is a massive part of this. You can’t just see one ‘no’ and decide that that’s it. You have to embrace the rejection and move forward. Try again. And again. And again. What one agent might reject, another may very well love. Works of art are so subjective, and there’s always an opportunity to find your audience, even if it takes some work to get there. So, you have to be comfortable with rejection (and silence). Although art is so very personal, you have to be objective about these things, see your work with a varied perspective, and move forward when those no’s come in. Because they will come, and how you deal with them definitely influences how successful you’ll be in the future.
I set myself an objective of sending out submissions for just over a year. Some people might set a target of less, some might set more. But for me, that felt like the right time frame for this book. I told myself, if I was unsuccessful after a year of submitting this project, I would take a long, hard look at the book, maybe hire an editor, and rethink some things. Though what ended up happening was a little different, and that’s what I’ll come to next.
My second reason was that I had a think about the kind of books I wanted to write, the kind of genres I would like to be associated with, and Project #3 no longer fit what I had planned. Now don’t get me wrong, I still adore the story that I’ve written, I’m still exceptionally proud of having completed this novel to a stage where I felt prepared to share it with others.
But when I took a look at the stories I wanted to write in the future, I could see that this project just didn’t fit anymore. Of course, an author doesn’t have to stick to one genre or one kind of story, and there can certainly be an evolution to what an author writes. Whilst I could see how this story would evolve into my future projects, I had to really ask myself, could I see this story being one that I focused on with an agent and editors whilst my future projects came later? The unfortunate answer was, ultimately, no.
That absolutely doesn’t mean that I wasn’t ready to commit to this story. If an agent had come back to me and was excited about working on it, then I would have dedicated myself to making it everything I wanted it to be. But given the agents I submitted to weren’t interested, I had to decide whether I wanted to devote more time to this story, or if this was the opportunity to retire it and move forward with something else. I think either decision, whether that be sticking with it or moving on, would be a correct one. For anyone making that decision themselves, it comes down to commitment and what you want to pledge yourself to. No decision is wrong, it’s simply a personal feeling and no one can tell you which way is better. I sided one way, but it would have been just as valid if I had decided to keep at it.
The third reason was that I didn’t know what to do with it to improve it. That’s generally where the agents and editors play their part, they typically come in at this point to take your vision, to look at what you’ve worked on, and to help you refine it with an outside perspective. This was why I was considering, after my year’s target, to pay an editor myself and get that outside opinion. That wasn’t something I ended up doing, but it’s certainly a valid option for any writer out there (though it is quite the financial commitment and there’s still no guarantee, after those edits, that an agent will want to publish you). (I should also say there is always the option of self-publishing or crowdfunding, but those weren’t options I was particularly looking into for this book).
Because I knew this story and knew these characters, and because it wasn’t getting any traction, I came to the conclusion that it would likely need quite an overhaul to get it to a place where an agent might be interested. And that just wasn’t something I was prepared for, not at this moment in time. You never know, maybe if I had submitted it to one more agent, they would have picked it up and it could have been on the shelves right now.
The truth is, that was highly unlikely, and knowing the work I was going to have to put in to get it to a different place, I wasn’t prepared for that commitment to this particular project, and that’s entirely valid. I certainly hadn’t envisioned that when I started out, I pictured this novel being published, my debut into the world of writing. But I had to come to the conclusion that there was still a lot of work that needed to be done to get it there. Making the decision to leave it wasn’t easy, but there was some part of me that knew it was simply the right thing to do, even if it was a little sad.
Now, there are positives to take from this experience, even if it hurts to acknowledge the work put in that I won’t be able to share. Although I did put in years of work to get to this point, that work is something I am grateful for. Maybe other people won’t get to see that work, but I know what I did to get it to a point where I thought it was ready to be shared, and that’s something to be really proud of. I persevered through the tricky sections, I fought my way through the doubt, and I completed my first ever novel. That work, whether others get to see it or not, is valuable. The lessons I learned along the way will help me moving forward, I thoroughly believe that. And not everyone can say they managed to complete an entire novel. So if you’ve reached this point alongside me where you’re retiring something you were so sure was going to be out there for people to read, congratulate yourself because so many people aren’t able to get to that stage in the first place.
Will I miss it? Absolutely. Is there also some sense of catharsis in saying goodbye? Of course. Does this mean I will never return to it? That one, I’m not so sure about. It can be so difficult to predict the nature of creativity and the path that you are led down when you are a creative person in pursuit of creative endeavours. There may very well be a point in the future where I’m ready to pick it back up and mould it into something different or a point in time where I think I need to reconnect with the story and the characters. I can’t say for sure if that will happen, but I definitely won’t say that it will never happen, because I don’t know if you should ever say that when it comes to writing; you never know what’s around the corner and you should always be open to different opportunities, even if you can’t predict them.
For now, though, it’s time to say goodbye to Project #3. It was a real pleasure and I am exceptionally proud of what I achieved, but it’s time to move on. There are so many other opportunities ahead, and whilst I cannot say if I might reach this same point of saying goodbye to other future novels, I’m still really excited about the future. This path is not straightforward, but it’s a brilliant one to be on.
Robyn x
R. A. Howard 