When you’re your own boss (or at least want to be one day), it’s easy to get distracted. There’s a lot of things out there vying for your attention; responsibilities, work (if you’re not yet your own boss), relationships, hobbies, social media, movies and shows. There is so much out there and such a variety of things too that not concentrating on the things you need to isn’t all that difficult.
But there’s other things that can distract you too, one of which is re-evaluating. Wondering about different paths you can take, if what you’re doing is the right thing, the options available to you, there’s so much to ponder when you’re a creative, your own boss, a freelancer, and that offers its own distractions. You might be the least procrastinating person in the world but that doesn’t mean you don’t delay yourself in some way. I’m not really someone who does procrastinate, but I do overthink, and that can be a kind of procrastination in its own form.
As of late, I’ve been re-evaluating where I’m headed. I know my ultimate goal and where I want to end up, but I’ve been juggling around the ways to get there. From different routes of publishing, different genres I could be writing, taking other opportunities that may lead me elsewhere but still get me nearer my goals than where I am now; all these different options available are there for constant pondering. It’s something my mind has been occupied with recently, and I will admit, it’s not my favourite place to be.
As you might be able to tell, I’ve already had changes of heart as I’ve had this blog. I’ve had a plan for the projects I’ll be working on, acknowledging that being creative is a changeable way of life, but trying to plan my trajectory so I can know what order things will be worked on and when. This meant that I labelled my projects, and as you can already see, Project #3 is now my most-completed manuscript, Project #1 currently shelved, Project #2 being worked on in the background (though I knew this would be the case anyway what with Project #2 being a high-fantasy, intense, world-building project that needs its time to stew and be worked on in flashes; I always knew Project #2 would be getting its time in the sun far behind the other projects I’ll be working on).
This does, I think, highlight how being in a creative career doesn’t lead you down straight paths. Things do wind and weave, I always knew that would be the case; sometimes your muse strikes and decides it’s imperative you work on certain projects and not others. Sometimes, you have something thoroughly developed and you are certain it’s what’s going to be finished next, and suddenly you’re uninspired and would rather be chipping away at something entirely more undeveloped because that’s where your creative juices are flowing strongest.
Now, there’s a lot of reasons for this: muses can sometimes be difficult to wrangle, sometimes certain projects do receive your utmost attention only for you to see that it needs its time in the background (either because you need your own skills to be refined or because there’s something that needs work in the story itself that can only come with time), sometimes it can simply be because reaching the end of something is not the easiest part of writing; creating is the easy part, completing is what’s difficult.
It’s hard to finish a manuscript; it can be really exciting doing the planning, writing out the beginning, perhaps finishing a few scenes in the middle, imagining the ending. Putting it altogether, however, pushing yourself to make sure you don’t just have some scenes finished in an incoherent order but putting things from start to finish, motivating yourself to get all the way from the beginning until the end, it’s a struggle. It’s very easy to get distracted by other projects, to get to a sticky bit in the middle and decide you’d rather work on something else that’s less sticky. It can be so rewarding when you get through those parts, but it’s hard to see the reward when you’re in the middle of it.
Which is why it can be easy to fall into a rut of re-evaluating. I have come very close to what I believe is the end of Project #3, and in the midst of that, of acknowledging the difficult steps that come next, I’ve been re-evaluating things. I’ve gone back to Project #1, I’ve been thinking about other, incomplete projects, I’ve been considering doing things a different way, searching for different genres, wondering about what these projects will say about me as an author and if that’s what I want for a debut, an introduction into the world of publishing.
Do I think some of this is coming because the next steps are daunting and perhaps, mostly subconsciously, I’m trying to delay that? Absolutely. But do I also think it’s important to evaluate what’s going on in your life and the journey you’re on, the goals you’re pursuing? I think that’s also the case.
Once again, it’s about that balance isn’t it? I know I mention balance a lot, but I really believe it’s at the crux of everything, and once again, finding that balance, this time between making smart decisions that take time and delaying unnecessarily is at the crux of pursuing creation and publishing.
At times like these, conscious efforts have to be made. You have to make conscious decisions to keep working at things, conscious efforts to persevere over the hurdles, make the conscious choice to finish your manuscript. When it comes to creativity, sometimes we all have to consciously continue with our projects. Not every part of creation comes naturally and easily, and it can be so very easy to go down a route of wondering at other things because it can be so much easier to sit back and re-evaluate than to push things towards their end.
It’s true that I have been re-evaluating, wondering at other choices I could be making, and I do think that’s a natural part of being an author. There are a lot of reasons it happens, some being positive and some being negative. In these situations, it can be easy to spiral and end up not ever making a decision, delaying yourself indefinitely.
So I know that I have to commit. It has been a conscious decision and ultimately, it had to be a conscious decision. Something like this wasn’t going to be decided with time, I had to decide if I was going to sit around, re-evaluating the projects I’m working on and thus delaying the possibility of ever being published or if I was going to stop being doubtful and just keep working the way I need to. If only writing was all fun and games, but the hard work that is a necessary part of creating can make the reward all that much sweeter, and so I am looking forward to that sweet taste, and hopefully soon.
Part of this conscious decision has led to an enormous milestone in this past month for me and I think I’ve made real strides towards that goal of becoming published the way I have desired for years. I am more than aware that there will still be a lot of time and energy that needs to be put in and I am not ignorant to how much more work still needs to be done. But if I hadn’t made that conscious decision to persevere, then I wouldn’t have passed this milestone, and that’s where those rewards come in, that’s where you get to congratulate yourself because you know that, when things weren’t the easiest, you still kept going, and that’s such an enormous part of success.
I know it can be daunting to make conscious decisions, to realise not everything’s going to flow the way you want it to and that sometimes you’ll have to make a real conscious effort to further where you want to be, but it’s those who make the conscious decisions that get somewhere, and so it will always be worth the effort. At least, I sincerely hope so anyway.
Robyn x
R. A. Howard 